Rinoa's unfortunate day
by Clement Rage
Summary: Rinoa goes too far. squall snaps. Need I say more
1. Chapter 1

_This isn't funny, but I couldn't see another category to put it in, so it qualifies as humour_ Plus I am filled with evil delight at the thought. Rinoa fans, don't read on. You aren't going to like it. If you can think of a better title, let me know

**Rinoa's unfortunate day**

Squall woke up and stared at the ceiling. It was quite badly plastered, so was interesting to look at, but also meant he didn't have to look at the girl beside him. She insisted on sleeping nude, and it was for this reason, squall suspected, that a number of spy holes had been drilled in the walls of their bedroom. Squall, as always, slept in his day clothes and hadn't changed for the past three weeks. Glancing at his alarm clock, he realized he was late and swung himself off the bed, taking his gunblade from its stand and moving to the door. Rinoa, now out of bed but still undressed, stretched elaborately, and happened to arch her back towards the largest spyhole, before selecting the blue cloak and nameless black thing she always wore. _Strange,_ thought squall_, You'd think a daughter of a famed galbadian general would have more than two dresses. _He shrugged and inserted a mental whatever, then left the room with Rinoa on his arm. It turned out he had a couple of minutes before his meeting, so he could afford get breakfast. President Almasy was always very understanding and deliberately arrived late to allow him time to prepare, but there were limits, and sometimes his government wasn't so lenient. To which President Almasy replied "You don't know her."

In the cafeteria, the cook had saved him a hot dog and he sat down while Rinoa hovered looking awkward. They'd forgotten to save her anything, and she was left with the leftovers, which she refused. A junior classman came over and gave her a sandwich. She ate it. She choked on it. She was rushed to the infirmary, where Dr. Kadowoke hit her on the back. She coughed up the sandwich, then fainted. She was carried back to the dorms, then recovered and ran into the training centre. Squall lost sight of her for all of five seconds, and found she was wrapped tightly in a grat's tentacles. Squall's patience wore slightly.

"It's a grat! Use Ifrit!"

"Ifrit?"

Squall cut her free. The grat scuttled off. T- rexaur strolled by. He gave Squall a look that said 'Having trouble with the old ball-n-chain, eh' on every photon. There was also sympathy. Exiting the training centre, Rinoa managed to find dangers in the library, the car park, even the lobby. _Despite _this, Squall made the meeting.

President Seifer Almasy walked serenely into Squall's office and sat down. He got straight to business.

"Sorry to bother you, but Dollet invaded Winhill again. They have hostages, so I can't use my own soldiers for fear of the repercussions. They're not invading openly, instead a 'mysterious militia' has taken over and its demanding exactly what the dukedom parliament did last time there were hostilities."

Squall rubbed his forehead. "What would headmaster cid do...This is a tricky one, it will require great skill- I have it! Quistis, send our three most inexperienced recruits to assassinate the authority figure with the best security."

"But they're six years old!"

"Do It Or Else."

"...Okay"

It was at this point that Rinoa chimed in, and Squalls patience shattered.

"Oh, Squall? Remember that ring you gave me with the funny monster on it? I pawned it to get myself a superhero costume for you."

The glass shattered in Squalls hand. He stood up.

_A bit rushed, but not too bad. Another chapter still to come._


	2. Chapter 2

**The chase.**

Squall carefully removed his gunblade from its stand.

"His name's Griever, bitch" Then he leapt the table. Seifer's bodyguards surged to their feet, but Squall stepped past and punched Rinoa. He hadn't held back- Rinoa felt her nose break as she was knocked off her feet. In a sitting position, Rinoa scrambled backwards in the strange crawl of people unwilling to turn their backs while getting away as quickly as possible without taking the time to get up. Squall followed, but Seifer caught his wrist.

"I know how you feel, but your Garden is on galbadian soil, and I've a hard enough time repairing the countries' tarnished image without a murder being committed while I'm visiting. You could make her a martyr."

Squall nodded and carefully replaced his gunblade on its stand. In the meantime, Rinoa had scrambled into the lift and pushed down. In the lift, Rinoa cast a curaga to heal her broken nose before stumbling out into the lobby.

The lift moved back up instantly, and Squall came down almost before she'd got to the foot of the steps. He was composed and in no hurry. Rinoa sprinted towards the front gate. On foot, Squall was faster, but he thought she was cornered at the front door and didn't run. At the front door, Rinoa leapt up and caught the top of a ...bump in the structure of the Garden, at the base of a window pane. By the time Squall emerged, she was huddled in a crevice with her hands free and fumbling for her slingshot. The steel ball caught Squall on the top of his head, and he almost fell off the side. Clutching his head, trying to stop the blood flow, Squall cast a Cura and ducked back inside. Rinoa climbed further up the building.

Returning to the lobby, Squall shouted "Xu!" She appeared within minutes.

"Have we still got that galbadian flying machine I used during the siege?"

"No. But Seifer donated a couple for repair work. No weapons attached."

" They'll do." Squall floated out, searching for Rinoa. He found her not far short of the opening in the quad. He'd never dreamed she was so athletic, and was cautious in his approach. He heard her mutter "Angelo can't get up here." Then she appeared to grow angel wings. Knowing what was coming, squall shot forward, but she had already cast a Fire at the window above her, melted it, then cast another Fire at squall as she scrambled through. The spell hit the engine of the machine and Squall catapulted forward and fell off the Garden. In mid-air, he summoned Pandemona, who launched him back up to a window on the second floor. He had learned his lesson, and ducked while coming through to escape another steel ball. Rinoa was already near the lobby again, but Squall used his masterkey to get instant service in the lift. He caught her in front of the lift, and she turned. "Prepare to face the might of Alarea, whose mother you destroyed in the future."

Squall looked confused. "Ultimecia doesn't have any descendants. We checked. Dna scans, remember?"

" Really? Okay, prepare to face the might of another sorceress."

"But we found them all and none of them cared for Ultimecia and found time compression pointless."

"Oh." She rallied. "Prepare to face the might of Ultima!"

Rinoa cast a triple on herself. Squall took something out of his pocket and drank it.

"Potions won't save you now!"

She cast three ultima's. When the dust cleared, Squall was lying flat. He got up and broke Rinoa's jaw.

"Ever heard of a hero drink, Rinoa?"

Squall stalked off. Irvine sidled closer to the prone Rinoa and said furtively "You know what'd cheer you up?"

_The motivation for this fic was: Rinoa irritated the hell out of me. You rescued her more times than Garnet! I never finished ff viii, because I couldn't get past Adel._

_By the way, I don't own squaresoft_


	3. FINALLY BET ADEL!

**FINALLY BET ADEL! I MIGHT POST A NEW CHAPTER OF THIS JUST TO CELEBRATE! PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU HAVE TO RESCUE HER AGAIN. Please.**


	4. Continuation

_First off, fair criticisms, folks. Spoke to Queen in PM when she first flamed, but here's my defence, two years late._

_I wanted to beat up Rinoa because she annoyed me, being rescued so often (Deling City, side of Balamb Garden, inside Galbadia garden, her coma, from space, from Esthar's confinement thingummy, and especially from Seifer/Adel at the start of disc four. That boss fight was something I found impossible! I wrote the first two chapters two years ago. I've mellowed towards Rinoa since._

_I am not suggesting domestic violence is funny, but, are you suggesting that if Selphie beat up Rinoa or vice versa it would somehow be better? Or if Squall beat up headmaster Cid? Or Rinoa beat up Squall? Actually, the main reason this was a humour fic was the 'what would headmaster Cid do?' bit._

_They ARE out of character. That's the point. How many random pairings have you seen on this site that make absolutely no sense? I admit the spyholes thing went a bit far, but I needed to make Squall angry enough to attack, and that's not an easy thing to do. I had to give him a lot of reasons-Griever wouldn't do it alone._

_Rinoa probably wouldn't have given away the ring, but see above._

_Seifer is President of Galbadia. The idea is that they were grateful he shielded them from the worst influences of the sorceresses-staffing Lunatic Pandora with monsters, not galbadian soldiers, to spare the army further losses. If you talk to soldiers in Galbadia before you go in to LP, they seem to respect him._

_Rinoa is not related to Ultimacia. She was pretending to be possessed so that Squall would be more cautious and give her time to get out of the Garden._

_Anyway, I've decided to continue this fic, but it's slightly more plot driven than before. Haven't beaten Ulti, so there may be contradictions._

**Exile**

After fending off Irvine as diplomatically as possible –after deliberation, Rinoa selected a steel pellet between the eyes as the most suitable deterrent- and healing her broken jaw, she was about to re-enter garden when a ruby dragon swooped down and flew off with her in its claws. It eventually dropped her from a thousand feet up, but a Float was enough to see her safely down, landing somewhere in the Balamb forests.

In flight, she'd had time to consider her options. Squall was really upset about that ring. She wouldn't be let back into the Garden unless she got it back. So she'd have to track it down. She went to Balamb, but the man she'd sold it to was gone. But, the black chainmail, black sword, black mace, black robe, black boots, and red glowing eyes meant that he stood out slightly from the crowd. She'd thought the outfit cute, but he'd refused to give her a set for anything less than the ring she was wearing. Shame Squall was so attached to it. But she could give the man the uniform back, surely. The station master said he'd gone to Winhill. So she set out.

**Winhill town**

The gang leader looked up and the three caged six year olds, who hadn't stopped crying since they'd been captured. But, since Ifrit had taken out three of his men, he wasn't feeling too charitable.

"Can't we shut them up?"

"Nope."

"Throw them into the abyss!"

"Uh...this is Winhill. We don't have an abyss."

"Well what do we have?"

"About a million miles of flower field and a mildly hazardous Chocobo crossing."

"...This is why I hate these villages..."

A pause. "So what do we do now?"

"Well, those children were sent by a Garden, and somebody who follows Headmaster Cid's policies. It's gotta be Balamb."

Their conversation was disrupted by a commotion from the town entrance. A masked raider was running in, screaming.

"I have the ring! Soon, Griever, the most powerful GF, will be ours to control!"

**Balamb Garden**

By this time, Squall had called a meeting to discuss the Winhill situation. Irvine sent his apologies, claiming a headache. Squall opened the meeting.

"So...our initial expedition failed. What now?"

Quistis sighed. "Well, we could launch an attack likely to actually succeed..."

Squall shook his head. "No. I can't betray headmaster Cid's teachings. That would be sacrilege."

"Well..." Xu reasoned, "If we send some experienced Seeds against vastly superior numbers, _technically _that's unlikely to succeed, right?"

"Hmm..."

"Hmm..."

"Okay, that's settled. Selphie, you'll lead."

"Ok." This was Selphie. "Where's Rinoa, by the way?"

"She took a-"

"NO!"

"-train to Winhill."

"TRAINS, TRAINS, TRAINS, TRALAALAA..."

"Oh, God." Quistis snapped her fingers. "Come back, Selphie, come on, come back...It's no use, she's gone."

"So, any other volunteers?"

"Too much paperwork." Quistis.

"Winhill's boring." Zell.

"I guess it's me, then." Squall.


End file.
